Have you ever thought about what it means to be a woman? I have been grappling with the meaning of this for years now. This is the exact reason I created this blog. I think something drastic happened in our society after the feminist movement started, and it’s all just gone downhill from there.
A Mother’s Reflection
This year in particular, the question became more predominant in my head after having my daughter. If you knew me and asked me about her, you would have heard me say she changed my life. She has been (and my son) the true inspiration for everything I do as a woman now.
Struggling with Questions
I have struggled with handling many questions in my head:
- How can I teach my daughter to be a woman?
- What does it really mean?
- Who dictates how a woman should behave, and how can we discern if their conclusion is correct?
A Lifelong Journey
I have come to the conclusion that learning the significance of what it means to be a woman is going to be a lifelong journey. But I have come up with a few ideas that I’m practicing right now and applying them in my life that I hope you will find helpful.
1. Vulnerability
Let me start by saying that vulnerability does not and will never mean weakness. According to Merriam-Webster, the word vulnerable is defined as, “capable of being physically or emotionally wounded, and/or being open to attack or damage”. How empty is this definition? Although technically correct, it is missing so much depth.
Vulnerability is often understood as synonymous with the word fragile. Fragile means “easily broken or destroyed”, and this is the least of the things that come to mind when I think about a woman. We are so resilient and strong! Just go to a park and watch any woman juggle the kids, the snacks and even the husband once in a while (all at the same time!), it’s crazy! In the context of what it means to be a woman, vulnerability signifies the perfect balance between love and pain. It means that you are willing to let your guard down, to love fully another person, recognizing deep within your heart that love means sacrifice (and thus a bit of suffering).
A person (not just a woman) will feel the most fulfilled, free, empowered, and joyful when they can be vulnerable. However, our society has completely brainwashed everyone (but specifically women) into building up walls around our hearts so that they are not vulnerable. So that we don’t let people in to see us for who we truly are. To risk the freedom of being loved only because of who we are, not because of the image we put up of ourselves.
Vulnerability is a human trait; everyone should practice it. But I genuinely think that God, in his wisdom, made it so that women specifically can attain this gift with much more ease than men.
2. Composure
This one is such a difficult one, but I think that if there’s anything that embodies more of what it means to be a woman, it is composure! The definition of composure is “a calmness or repose especially of mind, bearing, or appearance”. Wow, how deep, how beautiful, how perfectly defined.
It has been my experience that of the few women I have met or heard of that I extremely look up to as my role models in womanhood, they practice this trait better than anyone else. Again, I have to admit the obvious: this isn’t just a trait made for women. Everyone should practice it because it brings so much good to one’s life. But I think we women were designed with the ability to attain self-control and envision the consequences of the future much more easily.
3. Pursuit of Goodness
I genuinely believe that there isn’t anything more that the human heart desires other than “goodness”. Our pursuit of goodness drives us to do things in our lives so we can feel alive inside. This is why we have friends, go to school, study, work, have families, children, vacations… everything we do is because we’re seeking goodness in our hearts.
But, oh, how most prevalent is this among women? Again, I will have to tie all of these together: vulnerability and composure will be the best path to guide us in our pursuit of goodness. Once a woman figures out how all these come together, her life can be so free.
Highlight the word free. I did not say easy, painless, or free from suffering. I claim that these difficulties will more often than not come to the life of such a woman. But, with the gifts she has embraced, she will be set to accept all these and journey with them until she is able to overcome them with grace.
Women, more often than men, seek these good things and desire them. We have a certain ability to not settle, to look for other options, better ways, new paths—anything so that we can pursue what is good and true. And we very rarely miss the mark.
Embracing the Journey
These three ideas—vulnerability, composure, and the pursuit of goodness—have helped me in this journey of finding for myself what it means to be a woman. I often make the conscious choice of overcoming my weakness to become this woman. In reality, I fail more times than I like to admit. Nevertheless, I “coach” myself into staying committed.
I often love looking back at a difficult day and seeing how slowly everything I have practiced in terms of being vulnerable and composed has allowed me to reach a new milestone in the pursuit of goodness. Accepting the difficult times can later bring wisdom and joy. I am not nearly perfect, and neither are you. But we can use these tools to be the best women we can be—not perfect, but just good.
What do you think about vulnerability, composure, and the pursuit of goodness? Share your thoughts in the comments below!